Raptus Regaliter

To be sung to the tune of \"Becoming More Like Alfie\" from The Divine Comedy

(Spoken : Und so, sind wir bereit?)
Once there was a time
when the Co-Op would stock every brand
And once there was a time
you could find everything to hand
But now, well now I find
it wastes cash to shop locally
and so I take the 4-wheel-drive
and cruise to the Safeways to buy milk or tea

Oh come on!
Everybody knows that there the parking\'s free
though you need a pound coin for the shopping trolley
But the more I buy from them the more I see
It\'s becoming more like Aldi

Once there was a time
when the shopkeeper knew your name
And once there was a time
I could blindfold myself from my shame
But not now - now I\'m resigned
to the life my wife thinks she deserves
With other guys less smart than I
Driving to Tescos in our armoured cars

(and besides)
Everybody knows that there the parking\'s free
though you need a pound coin for the shopping trolley
But the more I buy from them the more I see
It\'s becoming more like Aldi
(or Lidl)