10.08.2004 13:22 - The Power Of Cats
This morning Her Maj and I had to go to the Ausländeramt (Aliens Office). I have been having problems in getting my permanent green card to stay in Germany. I originally had a 5-year one when I first came over. When it expired I had to go to the Office in Ehrenfeld where the woman I had to talk to (hereafter known as Ermintrude) behaved like an absolute cow to me. She gave me a 3-month pass, and told me I must produce a load of different papers to get a permanent one.
On the second visit, she was even more of a cow, and demanded to see all sorts of other papers that she hadn\'t told me about, including a rent contract. Since Her Maj and I live together in a flat she owns, Her Maj wrote a letter stating that I lived there. This, apparently, wasn\'t good enough for Ermintrude[1], who demanded to see the \"Grundbuch\" (the ownership papers of the flat). Her maj wasn\'t too keen on this, as it was practically demanding financial disclosures, and so wrote another letter explaining.
Third visit: Not a good time. The person before me had a huge argument with Ermintrude, which ended up in a screaming match. Ermintrude then proceeded to take it out on me, taking Her Maj\'s letter extremely personally, and behaving generally as though she was going to have me thrown out the office, if not the country. She insisted on seeing the Grundbuch, and as evidence, printed out a couple of sheets of paper full of indecipherable German which were placed in front of me. She pointed to bits on the paper, then took it away and ripped it up.
It was at this point I got the message that I was dealing with a racist who believed all foreigners were idiots.
Final visit : today. An absolute necessity, as my 3-month pass runs out soon. It turns out that Ermintrude is on holiday - doubtless deliberately making life a misery for the locals. Her Maj had come with me (she sells distressed loans to nervous bankers, so she\'s well-known for her cruelty down at the donkey sanctuary.[2]), and was ready for a punch-up, but was disappointed. Instead we got to see someone else, who seemed to know a bit about Ermintrude\'s peculiar habit of lengthening applications. Her Maj basically talked with her for five minutes over the cat pictures on her desk, and I got my green card.
And that, Ladies and Gentlemen, is the power of cats.
[1] I know, Ermintrude was a nice cow, but I can\'t think of any nasty cows.
[2] She can talk all four legs off one and persuade it to go for a walk afterward. Why she has to do this to sell loans is anyone\'s guess.
[3] There is no 3rd footnote.
