fuzziness. Hard to distinguish from normal bad morning.
fuzzy. Need to drink orange. Very slight aching at back of head.
a slight headache. Dog bark irritates. Need coffee. Gone after walk.
above but slightly more so. Takes bike ride to cure. Gone by 11 O'clock.
a pint of tea and an Anadin. Unwise to smoke straight away. Gone by lunchtime.
to kill Terry Wogan. Raging thirst. Innards twitchy. Hate telephone. Takes
about an hour to get going. Still hanging around after lunch. Don't smoke
till ten a.m.
last stage where it is dealable with. Two Anadin requierd. Dog puts own
safety in danger by barking. Strenuous excercise required but hard to commence.
Writing possible but slow. Speech halting and resentful. Needs a pint at
Painkillers must be taken with dry bread and a pint of water
before getting out of bed. Dog now out of dangerwhen barking, because movement
is impossible. Small light chores possible by lunchtime. Don't stray too
far from toilet before midday. Civilised speech possible by 1.pm. Best
have a pint of Stella or a port and brandy as soon as well enough to walk.
No smoking until half way down Stella.
for help. Lying in bed imagining cancer. Can't eat. Dog sniffs worriedly
round edge of bed. Head feels like blood in tiny braincells has been replaced
with Tabasco sauce. Radio makes no sense, even if strong enough to turn
it on. Repentant and full of remourse even though no recollection of previous
evening. First visit to toilet feels like a rectal prolapse. Piss looks
like Co-Op limeade. Slightest movement causes waves of nausea. Swear never
to do it again. Weak lager must be brought to bedside by sympathetic friend
after first evening meal of
soup and bread.
Big One. Lying with head hung over edge of bed crying and yacking into
a bucket. Painkillers have no effect since they can't be kept down. Spinning
and nausea. Praying and apologising to God, in between bouts of vomiting.
Can't sit up. Beg partner to enquire about hospice bed availability. First
visit to toilet nothing happens since all solids left the body the previous
evening. No recollection of anything at all let alone previous evening.
Well enough to drink again, but only Girlsberg lager, after 48 hours.
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