Will you still love me when I'm eighty-one?
Old and bald with a leaking bum
Clickety-clacking my dental plate
Hocking up grollies into the grate.

Will you still love me when I retire?
Coughing and farting beside the fire
Awkward as my memory fades
Blanking out entire decades.

Or will you stick me away in a home?
Catheter tube and a frame of chrome
Tumbling over twice a day
Having my food off a baby tray.

Promise me if you get concerned
To kill me when my back is turned
Club me with a baseball bat
If I ever get like that.

Darling, if you really love me,
Take me to a cliff and shove me.
In return I'll promise to…
Do the same if it were you.