Steve Dix...Comedian?

Raptus Regaliter

The second-to-last Page on The Internet..


05.09.2006 09:13 - Not Rocket Science

I once used to write programs to degauss Submarines for the Royal Navy.

During this time, I used to have to provide technical support to certain people at a top secret Naval Research Institute. I cannot tell you where it is, because you would then have to be killed. However, I can reveal that a certain Mr. Coleman of a nearby parish has commented on the Islander's genetic drift.

One day I recieved a phone call from a Top Secret Naval Researcher, from the Top Secret Naval Research Station. He was attempting to load a set of data produced by our Top Secret Submarine Magnetic Range onto his PC, which I had carefully converted for him. Unfortunately it would not load. Of course, not being in possession of the floppy disk, I could not check it for problems caused by Mr. Postman. (In case your wondering, the Top Secret Submarine Magnetic Data floppy disk had been sent by normal post, in a buff envelope marked "Top secret! Not to be opened by spies!" The KGB never stood a chance against us.) So I asked him to make a copy to send back to me.

Now, I presumed, in those dos days, that he would do diskcopy. Diskcopy would then copy the complete disc, including any cockups. If diskcopy didn't copy the disk, then it would be because the disk was damaged. Dr. Top Secret would then ring me and tell me so, I would make a duplicate, and send it. End of story.

This was not to be.

Next morning, I received an A5 envelope postmarked "Top Secret Research Station". I opened this to discover a single sheet of folded A4 paper.

Upon this paper, which I opened, was a photocopy of a 5-inch floppy disk.

I was speechless, as was my (ex-submariner) boss.

This, folks, from someone responsible for the defence of Her Majesty's Realm.


Copyright © 2003-2011 Steve Dix