Steve Dix...Comedian?

Raptus Regaliter

I was a pilot in the USAF until I discovered that God was an egg in my lunchbox. So I ate him.

08.01.2009 08:57 - How Strange The Change

"SOON TO BE A MAJOR FILM!!" A classic piece of advertising sloganry, that. In the big run up to the launch of the latest Hollywood blockbuster, out would come books, posters, magazines, tampons etc. all emblazoned with this slogan, in impressive block capitals (which is probably why they were called blockbusters). These days, with practically every historical occasion being grist to the film-makers mill, it's a wonder they don't take out advertising pre-emptively. One can imagine the Titanic sliding majestically into the water, it's rear plastered with a giant brassy placard "SOON TO BE A MAJOR FILM", or perhaps the Saturn V rocket of Apollo 13 being suitably emblazoned.

Of course, the problem is that, all too soon, advertisers started branding some of the more disastrous film productions as "SOON TO BE A MAJOR FILM" when "SOON TO BE A MAJOR BANK DEFICIT" would have been more appropriate, or perhaps "SOON TO BE A MAJOR NERVOUS BREAKDOWN" or even "SOON TO BE A MAJOR ULCER". Pretty soon, it was something applied to any poxy little straight-to-video debacle. Now there's something you don't see. "SOON TO BE A MINOR FILM". How strange the change...

Oh, and before anybody asks.. My soon-to-be-a-minor-film is going through pre-production. What is pre-production, exactly? Well, it's basically

a) going through the script and writing down every set, location, prop and character in an effort to work out how to get hold of them

b) working out how long it's going to take to film, what cameras, lights, personnel and shots we will need

c) Working out how to get enough money to cover a) and b)



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