24.01.2010 19:06 - Cat Mind Control
Proof that Cats are not all they're cracked up to be : our furry feline "friends" are actually bigger fans of mind control than the CIA - cats carry a parasite called toxoplasmosis, which has been proven to cause behavior change in mice. Once the parasite lodges in the mouse brain, it causes the mouse to become fearless in the face of cats. The mouse actually seeks out cats, pokes them in the eye and says "Hey, you! Yes ahm talkin' tae you, Bagpuss!" - It also causes them to speak with scottish accents - "Ah'm gonnae beat the shite outta ye, so what ye fuckin' gonna dae aboot it! oh shee-"...
The researchers say that they haven't found any affect on behavior, although they suspect that it can cause certain sorts of madness. Old ladies who own too many cats, for example. Well, I reckon they've gotten us under mind control already. You know when a little kitten climbs up your trousers onto your shoulder and sits there going "miaow". Well, what they're really saying is "Attention puny ape creatures! This is your master speaking! Obey! I want you lavish me with succulent titbits! You will immediately build me a secret headquarters, with furry boxes and rope-covered pipes as first part of my plans for world domination!!"
Of course, they haven't quite worked out to make the parasite stop us from taking them to the vets for the operation. Or, for that matter, how to operate tin openers.