Raptus Regaliter

It's said that a dog is the only love money can buy.  It's also said that the course of true love never runs smooth.  If you've ever accidentally trod barefoot in a puddle of watery dog poo at six in the morning, whilst trying to find the lavatory, you'll know what I mean.  Especially when it's your own stupid fault for feeding the dog chicken, even though you know it has that effect on their digestion. 

Try telling your parents that indelible brown stain on the carpet is directly attributable to love. 

Or then again, perhaps not.

Of course, with some dogs, it just happens.  Cocker Spaniels, for example, have particularly loose bowels, something not helped by the docking of Spaniel tails..  One particular example in the ownership of a friend was so pleased to see visitors, he'd wag his whole body until the centrifugal force overcame the canine sphincter with predictable results.  Their hallway carpet looked like it had been tie-dyed.  After a while, they took to locking the dog in the kitchen before answering the door, if only because it's considerably easier to scrape it off linoleum. 

Eventually, they took to swinging the dog in a circle in the garden just before visits.