Steve Dix...Comedian?

Raptus Regaliter

A prime example of it all going pear-shaped.

23.04.2006 14:30 - In Search of the Elusive Googlewhack

Or, in the abscence of anything funnier, time for a quick review of the search strings that bring people to this blog.

Top search string at the moment seems to be "How do I spam someone?", and the answer is, if you are so thick as to think we're going to leave instructions on how to actually increase the amount of daily irrelevant shite that fills people's mailboxes, then you're too thick to understand how. The fact that you want to corrupt a global communication system to your own foul purposes shows what a waste of resources you are. Whilst you're at it, why not look up how to poison your drinking water with your own bodily waste emissions YOU USELESS TURDS.

Next up "Stop hitting me in Deutsch". "Halt an, mich zu Verprügeln" would be a literal translation, but is a bit of a mouthfull when you've got three Ex-Stasi doormen going at you like a belt-fed wombat. I'd suggest the more succinct and easy to remember "Schlag mich nicht!" or "Treten mich nicht!" depending on whether you're being punched or kicked, although, if you make a grammatical error, they'll either stop to have a laugh or to correct you - which either way, gives you a respite from the beating.

Next up "'Mark McGuigan' and 'murder'". I know Mark, and I'll keep him informed of your intentions. I don't know what he's done to deserve such a fate, though, unless you're a dissatisfied customer of his guitar tuition, in which case, garroting with a top E string might be what you're looking for.

Finally, on our tour of the perverse, "Angela Merkel Beach Holidays". Why you want to find out about the German Chancellor's beach holidays I don't wish to know, as I have a sneaking suspicion you're after (shudder) bikini photos.

Excuse me whilst I wash my mind's eye with a good jolt of whiskey, will you?


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