Steve Dix...Comedian?

Raptus Regaliter

All Hate Emails will be returned with corrected spelling.


25.10.2006 00:45 - Rooty-toot-toot-tattoo.

My mate Martin is currently having another tattoo. He's already got a couple, and very nice they are too. His original tattoo, however, was a bit of a cockup, and his present tattooist had to rescue it by tattooing over it.

Martin told me of the creeping horror which enfused his soul when he was having the original, abortive tattoo done. Halfway through, all was going well, and then the tattooist, a large biker, decided to light up the biggest spliff you have ever seen, and Martin was too frightened to complain. Well, what would you do, halfway through having a picture indelibly carved into your flesh? Ask him to rub it out? Tell him you've changed your mind?  Demand a skin transplant?

There's a tattoo shop not far from where I live, and I wouldn't dare allow the owner of the shop anywhere near my hide. The reason? 

The drawings in the window.

I originally thought the drawings were done by his son, and the proud father had put them in the window.

No.

These, I found out though looking at the photos accompanying the drawings, are studies, done in preparation for the final tattoo. Amongst the pictures are a portrait of Elvis, a Minotaur, and Harry Potter. Unfortunately the drawings aren't really up to scratch - if that's the right word. Harry Potter seems to be poking his own eye out with his wand, and the Minotaur, which is obviously based on a Mr. Universe pose, seems to be pantomiming dropping a really loud fart, complete with clenched teeth and rolling eyes. As for poor Elvis, the artist has rendered his features so mongoloid that even the most rabid Elvis fan would question committing this portrait to flesh.

"Committed" being the right word.

Don't get me wrong - I imagine that he's quite good at those patterns that seem popular with the younger female population - such as those ones on the back, which seem to be popular amongst a certain class of young lady who insist on going round with a permanent wedgie. It's just that when it comes to his more complex works, the contents of the window don't exactly inspire confidence.


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