01.06.2008 07:52 - On Superheroes
I don't know about you, but I've always had problems with superheroes. Not literally, if you see what I mean. I don't get mistaken for the Penguin and subsequently beaten up by some bloke dressed as a bat and his -ahem- boy companion. (In fact, the more suspect elements of Batman passed me by until about my late teens - by which time Tim Burton had only made it worse by dressing him in rubber armour.)
No, I mean the whole thing of having a secret identity, dressing in a silly costume and fighting crime - and that was even before I read "Watchmen". I can understand the secret identity bit, but I couldn't understand the superpowers thing. Superman, for example. I used to wonder what happened when he farted, or went to the toilet. That was how I worked out why he really needed a Fortress of Solitude - or, for that matter, how he flew.
But the thing that always irritated me (if you'll pardon the expression) was Stan Lee and Spiderman. Stan Lee claimed he wanted to create a hero who could relate to the everyday problems of his readers such as "the heartbreak of Psoriasis" - then he went and created a character with red and blue all over the limbs of his costume.
Of course, you can't have a superhero with Psoriasis. Being able to flake skin all over your opponent isn't really much of an advantage (although he'd probably hold off from physical contact a lot longer), and with all the tar creme you'd have to use they'd probably smell you coming a mile off - except possibly in New York in summer. Mind you, New York in Summer will probably defeat anything but super-sense smell.
