12.10.2009 08:30 - Pooing At Paul's
I was back in the UK briefly and I managed to catch the above Glade Airwick advert. I think this is the classic case of advertising having an undesired subliminal effect, because ever since I saw it, I can't help it, but I want to do a poo at Paul's House. Every time I meet someone called Paul, I'm compelled, because of this advert, to invite myself round to his place, and, once there, to go to the bathroom. I've had quite a few narrow squeaks - no, stop it - not to mention downright disappointments. But what really irritated me about the ad is the fact that it's on what they call "heavy rotation" - which means it's on every fifteen minutes, or every five, if you count Satellite TV. So, you're sitting there watching the film, and all of a sudden, he's on again - "I want a poo!" - What, again? You had one a couple of minutes ago! What are they feeding him on? He's had to go on every ad-break of "Lord of the Rings Director's cut"! That's one hell of a big pile of poo!! (Not the film).
Not only that, it gets really confusing because they don't warn you they're going to cut to adverts. I was half-watching "Artificial Intelligence", about the little robot boy, thinking, "I don't remember the bit where he continually had to go to the lavatory. I mean, he's a robot, can't they alter his poo-timer interval or something?"
And it was even worse during "The Sixth Sense" - "I see dead people!! I want a poo!" - well, it's fairly natural, he must be frightened. But it's getting to seem like they cut the films deliberately to drop it in...
- "Open the pod bay doors, Hal" - "I want a poo!"
- "Luke, I am your father!" - "I want a poo!"
- "You're only supposed to blow the bloody doors off!" - "I want a poo!"
Of course, after a while you start to wonder just what's so great about Paul's bathroom that every kid in the neighbourhood wants to evacuate their bowels there? I reckon it's because Paul's parents have installed one of those Japanese toilets that play music when you go in them. You get a choice : "Yellow River", "Handel's Water Music" and "I Can't Get No Satisfaction" - One for the hard rock fans there... or is it rock-hard?
And of course, the advert leaves so many questions unanswered. Just exactly where does Paul live, for example? It's OK if he lives next door, but can you imagine the mad, Italian Job-style dash involved if he lives on the other side of town? "Faster Mummy, I'm touching cloth!"
It must be fairly easy to work out which house he lives at, though. It's the one with the big swarm of kids hammering on the door. "Paul! Paul! Open the door! I've got the Turtle's head!"