Steve Dix...Comedian?

Raptus Regaliter

I was a pilot in the USAF until I discovered that God was an egg in my lunchbox. So I ate him.

07.05.2010 07:45 - German Audiences

One of the things that I've noticed after doing about two solid years of comedy in Germany, is that no matter where you go, whether it's an english- or german-language show, there will be one member of the audience who sits there, arms crossed, with a face like he's lost a pound and found a penny.

I've tried ignoring him.  I've tried taking the piss out of him - "A smile wouldn't crack your face, you know.  YOUR TICKET IS A PERMIT TO LAUGH...VERSTEHEN SIE? SIE DÜRFEN LACHEN!!"  I've insulted him : "A lot of people wouldn't dare sit in that seat, mate, because they're scared I'll say something like 'Oi Slaphead! I shagged yer Mom!'". 

Nothing.  Not a titter. 

I've even tried outstaring him, to no effect, because he doesn't even blink.  In fact, after about a minute my eyes start watering.

So I've just come to accept him.

That was, until a couple of months ago.  Halfway through my act, I happened to pick up a guitar. Bang!  Suddenly he's bolt upright, paying attention.  I put the guitar down, he returns to his usual slump.  Pick it up, alert again.  Strum a chord, his brow creases.  I walked right up to him, looked him in the eye and said

"You're from GEMA, aren't you?"

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