07.05.2010 07:45 - German Audiences
One of the things that I've noticed after doing about two solid years of comedy in Germany, is that no matter where you go, whether it's an english- or german-language show, there will be one member of the audience who sits there, arms crossed, with a face like he's lost a pound and found a penny.
I've tried ignoring him. I've tried taking the piss out of him - "A smile wouldn't crack your face, you know. YOUR TICKET IS A PERMIT TO LAUGH...VERSTEHEN SIE? SIE DÜRFEN LACHEN!!" I've insulted him : "A lot of people wouldn't dare sit in that seat, mate, because they're scared I'll say something like 'Oi Slaphead! I shagged yer Mom!'".
Nothing. Not a titter.
I've even tried outstaring him, to no effect, because he doesn't even blink. In fact, after about a minute my eyes start watering.
So I've just come to accept him.
That was, until a couple of months ago. Halfway through my act, I happened to pick up a guitar. Bang! Suddenly he's bolt upright, paying attention. I put the guitar down, he returns to his usual slump. Pick it up, alert again. Strum a chord, his brow creases. I walked right up to him, looked him in the eye and said
"You're from GEMA, aren't you?"