Steve Dix...Comedian?

Raptus Regaliter

The second-to-last Page on The Internet..

26.01.2005 23:24 - Monopoly Subversion!

Remember playing Monopoly as a kid?

Remember how it was always really long, and how there was always one kid who would be determined to win, and if he couldn\'t win fair and square, would cheat, and if he couldn\'t cheat, would refuse to play? You just knew it was going to be one of those games when they threw a tantrum because they couldn\'t have the sports car, didn\'t you?

Well, I have a sneaking suspicion that all those kids have become millionaires by using exactly the same tactics : cheating, throwing their toys out of the pram, back-stabbing their friends and generally being completely unethical in their pursuit of a fast buck.

Therefore, it seems to me that we should nip this tendency in the bud before it has a chance to become dominant. To bring this about, I have carefully designed The Monopoly Subversion Kit

Instructions : Print out the following cards and carefully sneak them into the monopoly set when no-one\'s looking!!


Your trophy wife is sleeping with all your friends.

Miss the next six turns and lose half your total worth in a messy divorce case.

Community Chest
Your seedy little under-the-counter adult video empire is exposed in a newspaper owned by one of your rich \"mates\", who wants to remove the competition.

Go to Court. Go directly to court, do not pass GO, spend $2000 on expensive Lawyer.

The Tenants of your fly-blown slums all die of cholera.

You are implicated in a Health Department investigation.

Go to Jail.

Community Chest

Your former \"Associate\" in the Drugs Cartel takes out a contract on you.

Go into hiding for the rest of the game, and prey that other players don\'t grass you up.


Auditors discover you\'ve misappropriated millions from the Company Pension scheme to prop up your ailing empire.

Fake your own death, leaving your wife and kids to take the rap.

Community Chest

Your Rich-bitch daughter\'s amateur hard-core sex video is plastered all over the internet.

Squander millions in trying to get it removed, then go into hiding.

A former associate, known to you as \"Nurse Whiplash\", offers you first grabs at a very interesting video of you taken whilst you were \"recieving treatment\" at her \"clinic\".

Leave $6000, in a plain brown wrapper, behind the shed whilst you pretend to be going for a pee.

Copyright © 2003-2011 Steve Dix