Steve Dix...Comedian?

Raptus Regaliter

All Hate Emails will be returned with corrected spelling.

08.02.2005 14:25 - Converting your Washing-Machine into a Time-Machine

For some months I have been puzzling over the increasing amount of odd-socks that I appear to own.

In an effort to track these missing socks down, I have repeatedly gone through my sock-draw, to no avail. I have exhaustively tracked the washing process for each pair of socks, and no matter how often I repeat the experiment, I have come to the following conclusion : my washing machine is disappearing one sock of every pair.

I know what you\'re thinking. You\'re thinking that the socks somehow have gotten lost inside the machine, but that\'s not the case. I\'ve had the damn thing open, probed round the door gasket, everything. No missing socks. I\'ve had the drain filter out and raked through all the fluff : Not enough fluff to make one sock, let alone the missing quantity.

Based on extensive research (upwards of 10-12 minutes of extensive study) on some of the more freer-thinking websites, I\'ve come up with the theory that somehow a Casimir effect is being generated between the inner and outer drum, causing a brief implosion of zero-point energy to create a momentary wormhole, flinging a sock forward in time, making it reappear in some future washing due to some unfathomed version of Murphy\'s Law mixed with \"spooky\" interaction, causing the sock to reappear in the washing at the exact moment that I throw out it\'s other half on the basis of one odd sock being of no use to anybody.

Either that or they\'re getting kicked under the bed.

Taking this as a basis of a theory, I am planning to sell instruction books on how to convert your washing machine into a time machine, and make long, rambling, disconnected lectures, without blinking, at UFO conventions, where I will drop words like \"Kerr-metric\", \"casimir\" and \"Electrolux Hotpoint\" into the conversation at random, whilst drooling gently.

It\'s a living.

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