Raptus Regaliter

Something that seems to happen with strange regularity is being mistaken for someone else. Not just by normal people, but by famous people. I have, for example, been accosted by none other than Tori Amos, who became quite insistent that she knew me. In the end I agreed to let her give me an autograph if she'd stop bothering me.

This also seems to happen with film people. The casting director for "Dresden" was absolutely sure that he'd worked with me before,even though I've never been in a proper film in my life. The director, Roland Suso Richter, also found me somewhat familiar. Again, strange, as the closest I'd previously got to him was watching "Stauffenberg". I was also recognised by one of the actors who was in "The Prisoner".

I've also been accosted by Dennis Poschwatta of the "Guano Apes", but that doesn't really count, because he had met me before, and I did, quite literally, once bump into actor Maurice Colbourne from "Howards Way" in the middle of Oxford street, but he didn't recognise me at all.

However, what puzzles me is where have all these people seen me before, and who are they mistaking me for?

I've been on German TV once or twice, although that was largely restricted to a blink-and-you'll-miss-me shot of me at the first Prisoner convention in Portmeirion that I attended, which was filmed for "Rund Um Big Ben" (and which also features a very young Mitch Benn being interviewed), and a more recent filming at the "Offene Wünde" Open-mic night in "Low Budget", where someone attempting to be a comedienne is met with deafening silence - which was no wonder as the audience were made up entirely of a bunch of Goths from Aachen who'd come to cheer one singer on. Anyway, I wasn't exactly visible in either show unless you were looking for me, so I'm sure it can't be that. The Polizei just ignore me, so it can't be down to being on any "wanted" posters. It's getting quite tedious, as a matter of fact, and I'm beginning to avoid famous people for that very reason.  I had a bit of a nasty moment last week as I was walking down Zulpicherstr, only to be confonted by Ingolf Lück* coming out of a Kebab shop. Fortunately his kebab was a bit runny so I was able to duck out of the way just in time.

 I mean, who the hell do these famous people think they are, going round recognising me like this? How dare they impinge on my anonymity? Bastards. It's all that Antipodean fake's fault, isn't it? If anyone asks if I've played a groovy bank-clerk, then I'll cack myself on the spot.

I'm going to stop here, because this is turning into a Dud and Pete sketch.

* Presenter of several German TV shows, such as "Die Wochenshow".