Raptus Regaliter

So, I'm back after two weeks in Crete. I would like to take this opportunity to say what a wonderful place full of friendly people Crete is, except for the following bunch of utter bastards :

• Miserable Bastard Zorba-lookalike restaurant owners in Chania, who put a 2 Euro table charge on everything and use the Greek alphabet as an excuse to (try and) charge ELEVEN EUROS for the Greek version of burger and chips. You can find him just behind the Maritime Museum.
• Devious car-park owners at Knossos who pretend to be officials, and direct you to park on their car-park for three euros, when they know there is a perfectly good FREE carpark just down the road. The same goes for the Sfakian equivalent near the ferry.
• Devious tour guides at same, who ask EIGHT Euros EACH for a tour (8 x 24 people = 192 Euro!!), when you've just paid ten each for a combined ticket for Knossos and the Minoan Museum in Heraklion, and try and put the angst on you by saying "you'll miss all the best bits!" when practically every guide book in English and German has directions on how to find every single bit. (Fortunately we didn't get sucked in by that one.)

You all know who you are.