Steve Dix...Comedian?

Raptus Regaliter

It's not just the times, it's the species.

14.02.2008 07:04 - It's Cold

Today, things got back to normal in Cologne, so it is cold.

Now, I have to make a point here.  "Cold" in Cologne is not "Cold" as in England.  England is an island, and so is fairly temperate in comparison to the European plains, where "cold" means "fucking FREEZING".

I mention this as I've got a mate coming over from the UK.  Now, he's from Manchester, and he thinks he knows all about cold.  He used to walk about Manchester town centre in a T-shirt in the middle of winter.  The first time he came over, I told him, "bring a coat because it's cold at the moment".  He turned up in a bomber jacket, whereas I was lightly dressed for a polar excursion.  He looked me up and down and pronounced "You look like Captain Oates".


Captain Oates was the one who froze.

It was bloody lucky for him that we were going for a curry, because after a half-hour standing at Neumarkt waiting for a tram, the only way we could revive him was by lightly rubbing him with steaming vindaloo till the colour returned to his cheeks.

He spent the next day simultaneously suffering from the raging cold he'd picked up, and Gunga Din's revenge. 

Don't try this at home, kids. 

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