Steve Dix...Comedian?

Raptus Regaliter

I was a pilot in the USAF until I discovered that God was an egg in my lunchbox. So I ate him.

10.08.2005 20:20 - Nuns! Thousands of 'em!

In a few days time, Cologne will be swamped by "International Youth Day", in which the new Pope will visit the city. Things are already hotting up. For the past few days, a whole crowd of Nuns (Cue Father Jack - style screams) have been walking back and forth past our offices. I reckon we're being checked out by a Nun "Todeskommando" elite force, ready to throw themselves in front of the Pope should someone - for example an irate Ebayer - try to run him down in an Anthracite-coloured VW Golf.

Anyway, it's definitely hotting up. Last night at the tram station, it was difficult to get a seat due to all the "Volunteers" who have been bussed in to help with the day. Honestly, I've never seen so many anoraks since the cloackroom of the Linux Exhibition last May. No matter, they're here and they're going to party - the bunch who were cluttering up our train were singing hymns and quaffing weak lemon drinks like they were going out of style. Some of them were playing Russian Roulette with Aldi Apfelschorle six-packs - that's where you shake up one of the bottles and then put it back in the package. Doubtless it'll get a lot worse when the real "Pilgrims" arrive - something that I and Her Maj are not looking forward to, as they'll be billeting a load of them in the school opposite us. Doubtless the kebab shop down the road will be making a fortune out of them.

Which brings us to the climax - the reason for all this behavior. The Pope will be conducting a ceremony in Marienfeld, which at the moment is being made ready. There's a big stage, lots of toilets, and of course, the fast food concessions, where you can get your 'Body of Christ' official wafer and mini-wine cooler for the bargain price of 20 euros.


If the weather continues in the way it's been doing for the past two weeks, then you can expect it to be a total washout.

It'll be like Glastonbury without the sex or the drugs.

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