Steve Dix...Comedian?

Raptus Regaliter

Foraging for food in the bins beside the Information Highway.


24.08.2005 20:17 - Give A Dog A Bad Name

A friend of mine used to own a little Chihuahua, named Whiskey. The dog used to bark incessantly in the horrible yappy manner so common with small dogs, and he would often lose his temper and yell at it. Years later, when the dog was long gone, he happened to meet his next-door neighbour who confided in him, that "We're so pleased that you've conquered your problem". It turned out that whilst his yelling at the dog carried through the walls, the dog's yapping didn't, and as a result they'd always pegged him out as some sort of alcoholic, and the recent lack of screams of "Whiskey!!" lead them to believe he'd finally got a grip on his drinking.

Much later, I was discussing the possibility of buying a dog, for my Father. My Father has always had dogs, and he's lost without one, as he's so used to caring for an animal, that the loss of our last dog left him with nothing to do. After weeks of short-temperedness from Dad, my sister and I thought about surprising him with a dog. "But what would we call it?" she asked. In a flash, the story of Whiskey came to me and I suggested "Knickers". The thought of my father roaming the nearby forest yelling "Knickers! Knickers! Drop them! Get down!" had us both in hysterics.

Much later, an acquaintance who is in the police force in London told me the story of a South African who was beaten up in Brixton whilst looking for his Black Labrador. He apparently came in to the Police Station in a terrible mess, to report the attack, which had taken place in Brixton Park. He'd been walking the dog in the park when it had suddenly taken off, presumably in pursuit of a squirrel or similar. He gave chase, yelling at the dog to come back, when two black youths jumped him and gave him a good kicking. Not only that, but he still hadn't found the dog. The duty officer took a statement from him and promised to keep an eye out for the dog. By the way, what name did the dog answer to?

"Nigger".


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