Steve Dix...Comedian?

Raptus Regaliter

God is a comedian, and we are all his punchlines.

27.08.2005 10:24 - Election Fever!

There are two times a Politician ever wants to know you. The first is when they've made a mess, and want you to clean it up by wearing green and shooting people, and the second is when they want to be elected.

It's election fever in Germany, and all the Political Parties are out canvassing for your vote. All of a sudden, the Politicians and their toadies suddenly "remember" the man in the street.

With notable exceptions, of course. One of them being me. Because, being a foreigner, albeit one accruing more rights through being a citizen of another European Nation, I don't get to vote in national elections, only local ones. And don't I know it.

As soon as I speak, the canvassers in the street go from concerned interest to couldn't-give-a-shit faster than a very fast thing indeed. It is gratifying to know that these people do not give a shit about you if you don't have a vote, because it means that I'm completely justified in loathing them all, completely, from top of the stack (Schroeder, etc) to the footsoldiers, busily giving out the leaflets. Even the PDS (communist party) ignored me once I spoke. You may be a member of the downtrodden proletariat, but if you're a member of the downtrodden proletariat who isn't allowed to vote, you can fuck right off.

I must point out, though, that I did once get a pencil from the PDS, during local elections four years ago, when I was trying to get into the Aldi that they'd set up outside. It was broken. The pencil, not the Aldi.

I had my revenge. Doubtless it would probably be used by one of the other parties as a stick to beat the others with, but they all know they're just as bad as one another, so my revenge is universal.

As I walked back up the other side of the street from the PDS bunch, there was a similar stall, run by the SPD (The German equivalent of the Labour party, and one of the two in power at the moment). The stall was being filmed by WDR or somesuch. I was approached by the SDP leafletter, waving his little red pamphlet. "What's this?" I said, rather theatrically.

You could see the cogs whirring behind the eyes.

English => Foreigner => No National Vote => Not worth bothering with.

He turned his back on me.


He was filmed turning his back on me. I made a face at the camera and walked on.

I hope it's on TV tonight. I shall laugh loud and long.

Copyright © 2003-2011 Steve Dix