16.01.2008 07:59 - New Year Party
The differences between man and woman are manifold, but one of the main differences is how they organise a party.
A female party is an incredible feat of organisation - the food alone usually requires a week of cooking and preparation. Games are planned, and music is selected. Perfumed candles are bought, placed in decorative candle-holders on the table, and each seat has a name card, a masterpiece of calligraphy.
A male party is somewhat minimalist in comparison. Food? Crisps. Drink? Beer. Entertainment? DVD. Games? Farting competition. Sorted.
Girls just can't do this. (Esp. the farting competition) Even if they try. They'll always end up complicating things by getting several different types of beer, or even : soft drinks.
Soft drinks? What do you want soft drinks for?! For her friend's kids, of course. Personally, that's just complicating matters. Leave the damn kids at home, for heaven's sake. They're certainly not going to invite you to any of their parties when they grow up. Why bother with all the trouble? They'll only freak out on the sugar-rush from too much Fanta, charge about irritating everyone (except Mummy, of course, who finds her offspring's antics 'loveable') until they inevitably collide with a chairleg or doorframe, and the rest of the evening is basically screwed thanks to the resulting histrionics as 'mummy's little soldier' milks it for all the sympathy he can get. (Especially in Germany, where spoilt little brats seem the norm.)
On second thoughts, don't even invite anyone with kids. They'll only spoil the party by acting all grown-up.
