Steve Dix...Comedian?

Raptus Regaliter

All Hate Emails will be returned with corrected spelling.

18.04.2005 09:28 - Valley of the Clueless

Yesterday a visit to Bonn's Museumsmeile was in order, in a desperate hope to actually get in and see the Tutankhamun exhibition. Alas, it was not to be. At 2pm they were selling tickets for 8pm. We weren't about to hang around for twelve hours, even for Tutankhamun. So we went and saw another exhibition instead.

What really pissed me off, however, was the car-park. We pulled up to the car-park barrier in the Royal Carriage, but were unable to progress, as the car-park was full, according to the barrier. Meanwhile, an idiot in a Golf was sitting next to the exit barrier, doing nothing.

After about ten minutes, I was exhorted by her majesty to leave the carriage and engage with the blaggard. I went and asked him "Do you have a problem?".

"I can't get out". He said, waving his car-park ticket at me.

"So put the ticket into the machine."

"But the barrier isn't open."

"Roll forward, put the ticket in the machine and the barrier will open."

"But there's another car in the way."

"So carry on going forward and he will get out of your way."


"Look. You are holding us all up. Until you leave the carpark, no-one can get in, and no-one can get out either - ", I said, pointing out the large queue forming behind him. "So put your ticket in the machine, please. NOW."

He moved forward. He put his ticket in the machine. The barrier opened. He rolled forward, and the car blocking his path...moved out of his way! Hurrah for cause and effect!!

Next up, when we were about to leave the car park, we were flagged down by a desperate, wild-eyed woman waving her parking ticket. I wound the window down, thinking that if she attacked me I could probably wind it up and get in a few good punches whilst she was trapped.

"You! You've parked here, haven't you?"

Due to the fact that the Royal Carriage was on the inside of the car-park waiting to exit, it would appear to be the case.

"Where did you pay?! Where's the machine?! Where is it?!", she wittered, clearly on the verges of hysteria.

I pointed to the large sign that said "PARKING TICKET MACHINE IN CAR PARK 1st FLOOR". She left, burbling thanks.

I mean, honestly, was there a fuckwit convention on in Bonn that day, or something?

They should put up a sign : "You must be at least this intelligent to park here".

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