Steve Dix...Comedian?

Raptus Regaliter

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10.05.2006 21:33 - Na Nye Svetlana

When I was on my German course, I met quite a lot of russians. Most of them were quite friendly. One of them was a complete arsehole, but I've since learnt that was just Russian macho.

One of the girls was named Svetlana. Svetlana was a very good-looking blonde with a fantastic figure, but very, very little brain. She was quickly nicknamed "Nani" by the other Russians. After a while, they let me in on the joke. "Svetlana" is russian for "bright" (and also a make of lightbulb) and "Nani" was also "Na Nye" - meaning "it isn't".

Svetlana was also a mail-order bride. Her german husband was very rich, drove a Porsche, wore expensive Armani suits and lots of jewellery. His hair was the same uniform too-black black of Ronald Reagan's hair. He was so oily that there was no possibility of him developing freckles. They'd just slide off. According to Svetlana, he was a medical philanthropist. He ran a hospital for patriotic young women with serious back problems. Thanks to him, they could lie back and think of the motherland.

The young women were well-cared for, and had a constant stream of medical specialists waiting to examine them. Many of these specialists were quite clearly chiropracters who were giving the girls special treatment in the form of vigorous massages : hence the sounds of moaning and squeaking springs that emanated from the rooms. Most of the girls had little to wear, due to their poor backgrounds. Often all they would have would be the special corrective leather corsetry they were required to wear. One of the girls had such serious problems that she constantly complained about her pelvis, and was developing bow legs. It was quite clearly serious, as whole groups of specialists were being ushered in to see her.

I often wonder what became of Svetlana. 


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