20.05.2006 20:13 - Keith Falls Out Of Tree - Tree Said To Be On Critical List
The papers were fraught. Keith Richards, guitarist of the Rolling Stones, had fallen out of a tree whilst holidaying on Fiji. Unsurprisingly, none of the other Rolling Stones seemed that worried. It was, admitted Mick Jagger, how they found him in the first place.
However, what none of the papers asked themselves was the following question : What was a man of pensionable age, especially one who has had his blood completely changed not once, but twice, doing up a palm tree? I mean, they're about ninety feet high! This is a man who has come through major drug addictions, which have killed many of his peers, and he's scaling ninety-foot palm trees, shortly after his sixty-second birthday. It's not exactly an advert for an abstinence-free lifestyle, is it?
Of course, the standing joke is that Keith is the only life-form on the Earth, apart from the cockroaches, who could survive a nuclear war. You can imagine that, can't you? A nuclear wasteland, probably caused by George W. Bush, a man who can't even pronounce the word, where silence reigns, apart from the cockroaches going "nyah nyah ne nyah nyah".
Snd then, Keith sits up. "What was that noise? 'Ave we finished the gig? Where's Mick? Oh, 'allo, Charlie. Oops. Sorry, Death."