Steve Dix...Comedian?

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21.05.2006 21:55 - Eurovision III

It's a bit of a tradition on this blog that I comment on the annual Eurovision song contest, the 51st edition of which exploded onto our screens last night.

It was a foregone conclusion that the Finnish Orcs would win, wasn't it? And you have to feel happy for them. Let's face it, they haven't got anything else to do whilst they wait for Peter Jackson to start filming "The Hobbit".

Other that, it was business as usual. Anything I liked, seemed to end up being disliked. I must admit to a sneaking liking to "Texas Lightning" - the German entry, featuring comedian (and songwriter) Olli Dittrich, better known for the comedy series "Dittsche". Unfortunately I wasn't allowed to vote for them. At least they came higher than the pervy British entry.

So, here's a rundown of my thoughts for some of the entries :

Armenia : Interesting Bondage / Office Furniture theme.

Lithuania : An exercise in "Front", which ultimately didn't work out, mainly because a joke is a joke, but after a while it stops being a joke and starts being irritating. Try reverse psychology next time.

Ireland : Isn't that Father Ted Crilly on backing vocals?

Sweden : A sure-fire hit. Unfortunately, the sure-fire hit in question was "Winner Takes It All". Try singing it against it.

UK : Greasy little pervert hangs round the gates of a girls's school claiming to "teach" the girls a lesson or two. Ironically named after a washing powder. Interestingly enough, his stated mission was to "put Britain back on the Eurovision map". Quite why his crappy little song would do that, no-one seems to have worked out.

Ukraine : Clearly sponsored by the Ukraine branch of the Shakira appreciation society.

France : The French seem to think hairdressing ability more important than singing ability. Sadly, neither were apparent in their entry.

Spain : The Spanish entry looked like they should have gone for a pee before they went on.

Greece : The Greek entry was a woman who couldn't open a milk carton without making a drama out of it.

Russia: "I'm never going to let you go" sang the Russian entry, demonstrating that he would keep her in his piano.

Macedonia : Otherwise known as The Republic Formally Known As Yugoslavia. Presumably they're trying for some kind of Prince-like effect with the name.

Generally, the eighties were much in evidence this year : big hair, wind machines, pretty boys and girls in the latest stupid fashions. A rule of thumb seemed to be the more dancers, the less talent demonstrated by the singer and songwriters. Anything where someone ended up spinning on their head was only worthy of contempt. It seems that most contestants think that they can cover up their difficulties by putting on a show. I thought it was "Song for Europe", not "Song and Dance for Europe". I'm not the only one who noticed, though. Stefan Brings (Well-known German singer-songwriter) was on TV this evening saying the exact same thing.


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