Steve Dix...Comedian?

Raptus Regaliter

It's not just the times, it's the species.

13.01.2006 05:26 - Naked Hoovering

I was once asked to write a website on naked hoovering.

No, really.

This was in the days when I worked here. One day, someone walked in through the door and asked to see the Boss, because he wanted a website designing. So the boss came over, and asked him what sort of website.

"Naked Hoovering" he said.

Well, not quite that. It was in German, so it was probably "nackte Staubsaugern". (You'll notice I'm covering the subject quite well, so that Google will pick it up..) What he wanted was this : He was the owner of a successful cleaning company : the sort where the cleaning lady doesn't wear anything. At all. Apparently, rich jaded single men would phone him and book these cleaning ladies to clean their flats, whilst they watched them do the cleaning. Of course, the ladies in question were chosen rather more for their ornamental qualities than their cleaning abilities. Anyway, he had a house, which he'd bought as an investment, sitting empty, and so he decided that what he would do would be to wire it up with internet webcams, and put a couple of the girls in there, who would generally dust and hoover, whilst rich but jaded Germans would pay through their credit-cards to log-on to the site. This is where we came in, or rather, were he came into our office (keep your filthy thoughts to yourself). So, we had to spend several days forcing ourselves to surf porn sites looking at similar offers - which wasn't half as fun as it sounds, as a matter of fact. Especially when you have to do a presentation on your findings to a disapproving female project manager.

Unfortunately for him, this was in the days before ADSL was up and running properly, and so the cost of wiring up the house would have been prohibitive. The cameras would have also required some sort of steering ability, which would mean limiting users to a certain amount of time. Not only that, but you could guarantee that one of the girls would go and unplug the computer's mains plug to plug the hoover in. I can imagine the mad scuffle between the techs to be the one who had to go and reboot the computer when it crashed.

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