Steve Dix...Comedian?

Raptus Regaliter

I was a pilot in the USAF until I discovered that God was an egg in my lunchbox. So I ate him.

02.11.2006 12:37 - Revenge is a Dish Best Served Steaming

My Aunt used to have a Dachshund, named Lady, at the same time as we had our whippet, Lassie.

Lady and Lassie were rivals. I think that Lady was jealous of Lassie's long legs, or something, and Lassie didn't like having small dogs running between her legs. Whatever. They weren't the best of friends, but tolerated each other.

So, one day we set out to my Aunt's house, in Nottingham. It wasn't a great distance, even with four people - my parents, my sister and me - and a dog - Lassie - in a car. Unfortunately, Lassie hadn't taken what the Americans call "a freshness break".

We found this out when, to our utter horror, she crapped on the new carpet at the foot of the loft conversion ladder whilst we were being shown round the new house.

Fast-forward to Christmas that year. My Aunt and Uncle arrive, along with our cousin and, of course, Lady.

Who promptly crapped at the foot of our stairs.

Quite a large amount, as a matter of fact. It was quite surprising that so much poo could come out of such a small dog. I think she'd been saving it up or something. I'd like to say that she sat next to it with a 'Hah! Beat that!' smug grin on her face, but that's probably just my imagination running riot.

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